The right way to spend Valentine's Day
A letter by Isabel Giraldo.
I'll start with a question I haven't had much time for.
Answer: Is there something wrong with me that I've never passed a date?
How are you with a partner? For many years I placed all the blame on
my body, in my appearance. My perception of myself was defined by
the way others saw me and although I have never felt like a
ugly woman, I always thought that I was missing many things to be the
most beautiful woman. And just maybe that day when I became the
the great woman I've always wanted, I could spend Valentine's Day
next to a man who would feel proud of being with the best old lady.
I recently saw a photo of myself from seven years ago. I was going to an Anti-
Valentine's Day. I was wearing a black slip dress that, if I were to see it today,
would work, I would wear it without hesitation. My hair and makeup were done in a
way that I am not ashamed now and even though it has been almost a
decade, if I look at myself with present eyes, objectively I think it was
a very pretty woman. I highlight this because sometimes we see photos of
When we were younger we may have felt weird. Anyway, I
I loved seeing that smile that has always characterized me. Big
with slanted eyes. Everything seemed fine and I thought I was spectacular, no
I can't believe that no one wanted to mess with me that day. Until
that my emotional memory allowed me to remember the exact feeling
that crossed me on that Valentine's Day and instantly a pain
settled in the pit of my stomach.
That day I didn't leave my house feeling pretty, or at least,
feeling good. Actually, I hated my body for a long time and even
very recently. Sometimes remnants of that anger toward this vehicle remain.
that allows me to feel pleasure and pain. I felt like my dress didn't suit me,
because I compared myself to how the model looked on the page of a
of those Inditex brands in which the models look a certain way
practically the opposite of how I have always seen myself. Also
I remember going to an Anti-Valentine's party thinking that was what I
I played because I didn't have a boyfriend and that I probably wouldn't meet anyone there either.
Nobody because he wasn't going to stand out among so many good old women there must be.
Other years I became the Valentine's Grinch and dedicated myself to
rant about capitalism that commodifies and exploits this date as
wants and the lie that is romantic love that we were taught to
majority. He even said he would never celebrate a date like this.
He called anyone who celebrated it ridiculous, imperialist, and base. But
Yes, I'm sure that inside I was dying for my love to arrive
life with the reddest roses and a box of chocolate covered strawberries
at the door of my house and hand me a letter written in his own handwriting
in which he would say everything he admired and loved me and then we would have
Passionate, perfect, and satisfying sex. I've always been a romantic.
closet.
For the first time I am single, chosen and conscious. Because I don't
I know what kind of relationship I want, because I have identified patterns that I want
heal so as not to repeat, because I want to deconstruct my expectations and the
social impositions that I have incorporated about what love is.
Because I want to learn to give myself all the love I have
squandered on others. However, he comes back and addresses me with the question of
what is the right way to spend this day, because no matter how much you try
I don't care and pretend indifference, many things move in me
on the dates when the love of a couple is celebrated and they start dating
a lot of existential questions.
However, this time I don't expect and I don't want anyone else to
Come make me feel special and make me smile, because I want
be the one who does it. I don't care how or with whom they are going to do it either
spend my friends and how much money other people are going to spend on gifts.
I just hope everyone spends it or celebrates it however they choose. And it sounds
very idealistic but I wish we all felt loved, by others, but
above all for ourselves and also, we convinced ourselves that
Our bodies are also designed to feel pleasure and enjoyment
of him, no matter how they look. We deserve the touch of others and our
own touch. On this date and on all others.
Maybe I don't have anyone to go to Valentine's Day with. Neither
I have someone who brings me roses or chocolates, or who accompanies me to see my
favorite rom-com under the covers, or who to make love to until
the early morning, but today I do feel different from that sad Isa, with twenty
kilos less and many more complexes. Today I consider myself a good
company for myself and others, I love myself and genuinely believe that
I can give myself all of the above.
I don't want to come up with cliché phrases, but I've always said that it's cliché
It's cliché for a reason. And this will be my proper way to spend San
Valentin: I'll be alone, with my cat and my Flick at hand. And maybe he'll see me.
a couple of chapters of a series or read a few pages of a book, before
use it. Maybe I'll go to sleep early. But I'll do something special for
Me and for me. And the year that I spend accompanied, I will welcome and accept
with open arms, knowing that I can now make you feel special
anyone because I did it to myself. And you who are reading this,
I want you to know that there is no perfect formula or recipe for
spend this day. However you choose is fine, but alone or accompanied,
All that love you are longing to find in someone, you have it
inside you and the person you should give it to first is yourself.
From that moment on, everything will be better and life will be more
enjoyable. I promise.
A letter by Isabel Giraldo. @NADARENELFONDO